When you are away from home, what reminds you of your home the most ? What makes you miss your home the most ? Would a sudden wiff of that heavenly food your mom cooks, take you home in a matter of seconds ?
The beautiful assortment of everyday smell in my mother's kitchen was the best smell of my home. And I have been missing that for more than 10 years. That is how long it has been since my mom passed away.
After a decade, during this mother's day, I celebrated it in the best way I could. I have finally come into terms with her being away and I have decided to let her go. This doesn't mean that I would not be crying over the precious memories of her or I would stop wishing a zillion times if she were here with me, or would not be spilling silly billy tears over videos or reads on mom's love. I will always miss my mother. But, now I recognize that she cannot and will not come back to me.
Like everyone's mom, my mother knew what I loved, what made me happy and what my favourite dishes were. A usual curry in a brahmin house is sambhar or rasam. But my mom knew that I detested them both (If she sees the way I slurp over sambhar now, she would say "this is not my daughter!"). My favourite meal was a simple fried coconut gravy with kerala brown rice and pappadam. No one, not even my grand mother or chithi makes it the way mum used to cook. And it stopped being part of my cuisine, when my mom left me. So did many other important things.
I had been so disconnected from how those days used to be. I even forgot about my favourite meal. This fact hit me only a few months back when my dear friend Tisy sent me the recipes of a bunch of brahmin dishes.
Today I decided to bring back the happy memories of my mom back to life, one at a time. I came home from work and dedicated the evening to make that simply curry. When that nostalgic old smell filled my kitchen, memories of happy moments flooded my heart. By the end of the cooking session, I felt like having spent the whole evening with my lovely mother.
I feel, I am finally at peace, after a long long time. I know having Manu's family is my greatest strength now. After being together for more than two years, I am finally feeling secure enough that I will not be deprived of mother's love any more.
You lucky ones out there, who have your mom by your side, did you tell how much you love her and you know how much more she loves you back?
The beautiful assortment of everyday smell in my mother's kitchen was the best smell of my home. And I have been missing that for more than 10 years. That is how long it has been since my mom passed away.
After a decade, during this mother's day, I celebrated it in the best way I could. I have finally come into terms with her being away and I have decided to let her go. This doesn't mean that I would not be crying over the precious memories of her or I would stop wishing a zillion times if she were here with me, or would not be spilling silly billy tears over videos or reads on mom's love. I will always miss my mother. But, now I recognize that she cannot and will not come back to me.
Like everyone's mom, my mother knew what I loved, what made me happy and what my favourite dishes were. A usual curry in a brahmin house is sambhar or rasam. But my mom knew that I detested them both (If she sees the way I slurp over sambhar now, she would say "this is not my daughter!"). My favourite meal was a simple fried coconut gravy with kerala brown rice and pappadam. No one, not even my grand mother or chithi makes it the way mum used to cook. And it stopped being part of my cuisine, when my mom left me. So did many other important things.
I had been so disconnected from how those days used to be. I even forgot about my favourite meal. This fact hit me only a few months back when my dear friend Tisy sent me the recipes of a bunch of brahmin dishes.
Today I decided to bring back the happy memories of my mom back to life, one at a time. I came home from work and dedicated the evening to make that simply curry. When that nostalgic old smell filled my kitchen, memories of happy moments flooded my heart. By the end of the cooking session, I felt like having spent the whole evening with my lovely mother.
I feel, I am finally at peace, after a long long time. I know having Manu's family is my greatest strength now. After being together for more than two years, I am finally feeling secure enough that I will not be deprived of mother's love any more.
You lucky ones out there, who have your mom by your side, did you tell how much you love her and you know how much more she loves you back?
4 comments:
What can I say?.. this post brought tears to my eyes.
But hey!...next step for you: become a mother :P
What better way to celebrate Mother's days.. Every day is a mother's day then! :D
Thanks divya for understanding and sharing my emotions...
About the next step, let's see ;)
Beautiful one Manju!!!
Thank you Annu ..
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